Build and Reclaim your Self Esteem After Narcissistic Abuse

This week I am going to explain how you can start to reclaim your self-esteem after splitting up with a toxic, sociopathic or narcissistic spouse. It's an essential foundational step that the rest of your recovery depends upon. 

I was a statistic

I in 4 women have experienced domestic abuse (1 in 6 men) in their lifetime. Women are more likely to be repeat victims.

I was a statistic.

Are you one of these statistics?

I raised 2 children in the shadow of an abusive environment. I'm 57 now and I have healed and understood a lot of the issues that lead to this repeated and long-term abuse.  

Is this similar to your situation? 

More than anything else I wanted my children to be as unaffected as possible from everything. It motivated me like nothing else to fix myself. 

I help women like me, who eventually got a divorce and realise exactly what has happened. The full enormity of just how much narcissism has impacted all the people they hold most dear, including themselves. 

It can be depressing and can be overwhelming. I get it totally.

You can break the cycle of abuse

The important message of this blog article is that you can reclaim your life and your true self-identity, just like I did. When you do that you also create healing for your children and grandchildren and break the cycle of abuse and mistreatment. It could be that this cycle has been part of a pattern of trauma that your lineage has carried for many generations. 

You are the one who is breaking this pattern for good. That's a very special life purpose. It motivated me heal more than I can put into words here.

The fact is we have to really be accepting of these difficult truths in our recovery. Absolutely no BS allowed from now on.  My self-esteem was rock bottom before the narcissist marriage,  it was a feature throughout my life. It made me a perfect match for narcissism.

I can make this statement with hindsight and lots of healing.

My younger self tried everything to feel better. She did the best she could. I now know why she felt so badly about herself, I’m not blaming her at all. If this resonates with you, then you shouldn’t blame yourself either.

Self-compassion is the order of the day.

We did the best we could with the knowledge and understanding that we had at the time.  It wasn’t our fault. After narcissistic abuse, the bare shreds of any self-esteem I had were just destroyed by this experience. Maybe this is what happened to you too?  It’s the hardest thing to feel at rock bottom.

Our Self-esteem was shattered

That's the legacy of a narcissistic relationship that has reached it's fullest culmination. You were discarded/you discarded.  The narcissist knew you knew.  The end.  I’m not here to talk about narcissist's tricks and manipulations because what really matters, is you!

100% you!

So what now? 

How do you build yourself up from the tatters and remnants?  How do you rebuild from ground zero? It doesn’t happen with weekly therapy or counselling sessions. They are helpful in the short term, but ultimately you have to become your best advocate and cheerleader.  You can stay in weekly therapy for years and feel dependent on it.  If the narcissistic abuse experience has taught you anything it is that the ‘cavalry isn’t coming.’ You have to come to your own rescue! This is a scary prospect for us. We always thought our sense of self came from what others' opinions were about us. 

Does this resonate?

We create self-esteem from the inside out.

I want you to really get this because your life depends on it.

We are talking the TRUTH about you, no more BS. We didn’t know how to generate our self-esteem, for various reasons. BUT now we are going to do it ourselves.  You may want to consider doing one thing now,  if you are in a similar situation.  It is that you can promise yourself to take action to improve your self-esteem ( and your confidence).  You can do it every day.  You can live and breathe 24 hours of advocating for yourself. You know that up to the point of collapse of the relationship, everything you ever thought was true or safe, was not. You got to find this out in the cruelest of ways. So we have to take steps to do things differently from now on. You are re-building from ground zero. Think of it like a blank canvas. You are free to create what you want now. You can create what you want. You are in the process of freeing yourself from those old constraints of self-doubt and becoming reliant on others for approval. To get your self-esteem from the outside in.  That way DOES NOT WORK.

It was all an illusion

You know this for sure.  But you can make a REAL life that's grounded in truth and love for yourself. It might feel like unfamiliar ground. It might feel daunting but I promise you that if you can dedicate your time in recovery to focus on reclaiming your self-esteem, you will transform.  You will create a happy life for yourself. Focus on you. Take it step by tiny step. Baby steps will get you a long way.

You need to make the unfamiliar familiar. The old way just didn’t work. Start today. It’s time to do what you have never done before. Your future self will thank you for it. I did this work on myself and turned it all around in 6 months. So give yourself grace and make yourself an absolute top priority.  If you would like to view my latest YouTube upload you can do that here.

I know that many people need to hear how it's possible to get your amazing life back on track after narcissistic abuse. We don't need to stay stuck in narcissism.

We can get free from it.